Loving with Autism: A poem during tough times

I have been spending some time writing my book around Living and Loving with Autism for the first 18 years… not sure of a title yet… perhaps ‘Fu*# off Mummy and other great moments?’ hehehe Jokes…

But found this poem I wrote when we in amongst a tough time… shows where we have been and how far we have come and I am sure other families with Autism along for the ride could relate.

Mum, what will I eat, why are the cornflakes that colour, 
I don’t like how you looked at me and do you know the name of that fella,
Percy is green Thomas the Tank engine is blue,
And what is the drivers name Mum, do you know who?
The traffic lights change to green and the arrow stays red,
Mum, I don’t like you and don’t like my bed,
Get lost Mum and go away he says to Jack,
I try to be grateful and not focus on lack…
He then screams at the dog,
As I hurry to leave for my jog,
Looking for feathers is always a sign for sure,
It helps give me strength to walk back through that door.
Because then I will have questions fired at me one after the other,
I am supposed to know all the answers, because I am his Mother.
Be grateful he talks even if nonstop about all the same things,
You think it would be a relief when the phone rings,
It could be a client, maybe some work,
As I talk on the phone he calls me a jerk,
So I walk around pretending it is all good,
How do I explain this and it’s not like I should.
So Thomas let’s do something, did you look at your chart,
Mum, why do boys laugh at me when I do a fart,
Oh Thomas I don’t know now let’s go do something,
And then some relief when he starts to sing..
And then Mum, why does my head hurt
And I really hate this new itchy shirt,
My armpits are sweaty and smelly,
And my new teachers name is Mr Kelly.
Mum, my dad died and it makes me feel sad,
And why do you make me say naughty things and be bad.
How do I do that Thomas, please tell me,
So I can help you to feel happy and free.
Oh, I don’t know and just shut up Mum,
And what does it mean, when they tell you, that you are dumb.
I don’t want to go to a new school I will miss Petrie State,
It is ok Thomas you will get used to it and make a new mate.
Fuck off Mummy,it is not OK.. you made me say that,
Perhaps it was the way I said it or the way that I sat.
I don’t know why I throw things, I don’t know why Mum,
And now it is itchy can you please scratch my bum
Oh some of it is simply behaviour, I do get that stat
When dealing with grief I let things slip, no doubt about that
And he is not trying to mess with my head and my heart
It is grief, language, communication and sensory issues, just for a start…
So to all those families that live with Autism,
Those families that deal with judgement and criticism,
Know for sure that you are not alone on this road,
There are people that can support you as you carry the load,
The gifts on the journey will be embraced,
And we will find them after each new challenged is faced!

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