Moving In

So tonight was/is a special night… the Universe has many amazing ways it works with us all and today was emotional and significant for sure…

So it was 10 years ago… yes 10 years ago today that I went to see Flash in hospital not knowing it would be the last time we would see him for real… touch him, feel him and just be around him… and believe me, you will miss the smallest of things…

Because tonight would be the last night night we would see him, but we would talk to him tomorrow night and then we would be devastated when then he would leave us on the 11th…

But the reason tonight I am talking about this is because tonight my new guy moved in… yes tonight of all nights in a year it would be tonight… but the Angels and the Universe often show me how clever they are about working things out and so I think it is all as it should be and so this is how it is all meant to be.

And for those that know me and my journey you would know that Moet became important to us after Flash had his stroke and he became very attached to me getting standing ovations… I used to call them sparkling Moet Moments…

Well would you believe that when my guy moved in today he had a bottle of Moet that he had been saving for a special occasion… and I feel like Flash said something like this…

“Mouse (he called me that, not because I am quiet, but cause I am small and cute.), Mouse, I am now going to stop right here and let go of your hand, and what I want you to do is keep walking forward, and do it now with confidence. Because Jules I see where you are going and you are heading in the right direction now, you had been heading down a few roads that weren’t for you (rub it in why don’t you?), but that’s OK… so now that I know you are heading towards such a lovely place with the right people by your side I need you to know it is OK to let go. I will always be here watching over you and our boys, but you don’t need to constantly keep looking back checking on me, no more what if’s, no more guilt, no more shame. I am sorry those last few years were particularly tough and I am sorry that is how it all ended with that being the closest memory, but you don’t have to think about that time, remember the times that we were happiest, you are allowed to do that.

Where I am we don’t measure your respect and honour of our memories by the amount of time you spend crying and grieving, and you have done all of that. You moving on and being happy in no way negates the love you had for me and for our boys and for us. We had quite a journey you and I, filled with so much of life… love, fun, laughter, passion, adventure, parenthood, autism, health, sickness, stroke… yep we sure did cram it in.

Life has prepared you and our boys for this next beautiful stage of your journey… you are resilient, passionate and courageous so go live it like that and love it like that and show our boys that is how we do it!

So, as I let go of your hand less looking back, more looking forward and know that it is all as it should be…”

And he said, now enjoy your standing ovation!

So now I am having a wee cry… but it is a nice cleansing, happy kind of cry… Thanks Flash.. xxxx

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